


Insomnia

by Unihuppias



Category: Apex Legends (Video Games)
Genre: Bloodhound is a mess, Canon Nonbinary Character, Childhood Trauma, Elliott starts spamming when he's stressed, Fluff and Angst, Idk what else to tag I'm new at this, Insomnia, Mentions of their family members and Ajay, Other, POV Bloodhound (Apex Legends), Self-Esteem Issues, So is Elliott, Texting, Yes I still write Elliott with double tt, miragehound
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-24
Updated: 2020-05-24
Packaged: 2021-03-03 07:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,339
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24347023
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Unihuppias/pseuds/Unihuppias
Summary: There have always been dark memories and thoughts to feed Bloodhound’s issues with sleeping, but they would have never guessed that thinking about a certain trickster would ever be the reason for them to stay awake and make the night suddenly feel so lonesome and empty.
Relationships: Bloodhound & Mirage | Elliott Witt, Bloodhound/Mirage | Elliott Witt
Comments: 35
Kudos: 69





	Insomnia

**Author's Note:**

> Hey! I was craving for some slightly angsty, soft Miragehound content from Bloodhound's perspective and so I decided to write my very own short fic about these two cuties.
> 
> English isn't my native language, so I must apologize if it's a little rough. Hope you'll enjoy the text anyway!

It had never been easy.

To remember, that is. To not be able to live even for one day without those painful memories painting their heart black. Especially on lonely, dark nights like these when they couldn’t do anything else but restlessly roll in their bed after a long, stressful day full of unpleasant events.

But what they found easier was to keep distance to other people. Oh, how easy it was to ignore and hide their feelings, to push those pathetic needs of human contact somewhere where they could not reach them.

Or perhaps they could, but didn’t want to. You see, it was a lot easier to keep building those walls around them, to extinguish even the strongest needs of theirs rather than… lose. 

Lose yet another person dear to them. Someone who they loved and cherished. Someone who would leave yet another hollow, dark hole into their soul. Someone who would only become a sad, miserable memory for them to yearn after.

They remembered it far too well for their own good. 

The sight of their father running for his life, reaching his hand out with pure fear in his eyes as they screamed for him, pounded the window with all the pathetically little strength that a child so small had in them. And as soon as everything went white, as the icy cracks filled the window and blocked the view, he was gone. Not only for the moment, but for forever.

They never quite had the room to share the pain from the memory. They had seen it from Artur’s eyes, seen the pain that filled his heart and soul. He had his own fights to battle with the loss of his own bróðir. Despite the disputes between them, the disagreements about what was the correct way to live their lives, the blood of brothers was still running inside them both. Artur tried to hide it, but they saw the hole Johann’s leave had left into his heart. It was so different when compared to theirs, yet so similar at the same time.

Though his methods were harsh, though he had no affection to share nor capability to show how he loved and cared in his own way, the little Blóðhundur grew fond to him. Grew attached to hear Artur being proud of them whenever they succeeded in the hunt or listen to him tell the ancient stories of the gods and their adventures at late nights.

It’s not difficult to guess that losing him wasn’t any easier than their own father’s. Perhaps it was - in a way - even worse, if they could be brutally honest. They didn’t wish to compare the emotional wounds of these losses, but Artur had been the one to raise them into the person who they had become. 

Though they hated to admit it, they couldn’t even well remember their parents’ faces anymore. It hurt to know, made them feel a strong sting of guilt every time they noticed this - yet they still tried to remember, tried to have faces to those warm but distant memories they shared with their dear parents. They knew that it was only natural for a human mind to forget after such a long period of time, but somehow they couldn’t either accept it nor forgive themselves for forgetting.

Perhaps there was guilt as well to make it even worse in Artur’s case. If it had not been for their childish curiosity, for their ego wishing to get praised for putting down a large beast no one else in their village had ever slátrad, he might still be here. Here - alive - to tell them those old stories that always made them hold their breath when they were little, to see them succeed in the Apex games, to… be there. For them.

But instead of this, they only had a dark memory of the pure white snow turning red beneath them as they held Artur’s lifeless corpse. The memory of the last touch he had given them, cupping their cheek in the most gentle way he had ever done. Artur had never been the type to touch, to show his affection, but at the moment of his death he had held them so dearly.

And oh, how well they remembered the warmth radiating from Artur’s fingers on that chilly evening before his soul departed from his body. But what they remembered even better was how his fingers had turned colder when they helped to lift him on that boat, and how something in their heart had turned cold the exact same moment they sent him away to Valhalla - a place where brave warriors like himself may finally rest.

So… Perhaps it’s no surprise that nothing was the same anymore.

How the giggly and curious child had turned into this distant, mysterious hunter known all over the Outlands, a lot of the causes had roots in these events. How that small Blóðhundur was now better known as Bloodhound - the hunter the gods themselves have sent to slátra and vinna, the tracker who no one can run or hide from in the fields of battle.

It was their fate. They knew it, they knew it so well, yet no one knew how many nights they had spent, trying to think what the gods had planned out for them when they were guided to join the bloodsport. They had no need for money nor fame, they never wished for either of those, and yet they now had both as a thanks for them succeeding in the games.

What they had always wanted instead was answers. Something they didn’t dare to ask from the gods, yet what they still seeked for. What was it that they were getting punished for? Was it their fate to walk their path alone? What was the purpose behind joining the games? There had always been questions filling their clueless mind, yet they didn’t even know anymore if they wished to know the truth or not. 

And when they had joined the games, they most certainly hadn’t planned to build any kind of relationships out there. They hadn’t wished for friends - to be honest, they hadn’t wished for anything else than to please the gods. 

Still, no matter how much they had tried to keep their distance, there always were people that were interested in getting closer to them. At first it had bothered them; _”What do they want from me?”_ but at some point they had noticed how they missed having these little conversations with other people, sharing thoughts and experiences. Though Bloodhound was never the type to share much, they loved to listen.

Listen to the stories of their fellow legends - how they also had their own battles to fight through. How differing everyone’s experiences were, how some of them had also lost loved ones, how some of them had even left their families behind of their own free will. Only then did they notice that they were not alone with their thoughts and the painful memories that kept them up at night, the echoing sounds in their mind that wanted to give up at the most lonesome and darkest times.

It had been a great joy to be gifted with a few people in their life to even be considered as friends, but never would have they thought that there would be anyone who could awaken something even deeper in them. Something new and unusual, something so distant and unknown for them - something they had read about so many times, yet still something what they had never experienced until now.

Ást. Love.

A deep sigh left Bloodhound’s dried mouth as that damned word passed their thoughts again. They shifted in the bed, their tired gaze wandering around the room in the dim candle light. Soon it stopped to inspect a small fire on one of the candles, watching carefully as the flame danced so soothingly while the pleasant sounds of rain filled the otherwise quiet room.

Just like that small flame, they always felt a little fire growing inside them whenever they were around him. The fire danced inside their chest and stomach, jumped from side to side, made it hard to breathe and even more difficult to speak. It burned their cheeks, colored them red whenever he was close or winked his eye at them in a silly but yet so sweet way.

No matter how hard they had tried to keep building those walls around them, somehow he always found his way to come through. If he couldn’t break the walls, he would either climb over them or dig his way under. No matter how much they avoided or ignored him, he was not the type to give up - instead, he would only try twice as hard like the stubborn man he was.

They weren’t exactly sure when it all had started from their side, but they did know when they had noticed it for the first time. It was in the games; they got downed and for once Elliott was the person to rescue them and not the other way around. Though it wasn’t the first nor the last time they were in a situation to be revived by someone, that time was different.

When he had been ready with reviving them, when he pulled them up and reached for some spare syringes from his backpack, suddenly they had noticed how they hadn’t wanted him to let go. How they wished to feel his hands on them, see that gentle and relieving gaze in his eyes again from up-close as he was reviving them while fully knowing that there was no more enemies around to disturb them.

The rest of the match had been rather unusual for them. Bloodhound never was the type to let personal issues affect their capability in the games, but for this once they felt a little light-headed as they couldn’t help but only follow Elliott’s movements with their eyes, clueless about those new emotions that were making their heart ache in a way that they had never experienced before.

They had tried to tell themselves how they were only becoming sick, how that weird feeling inside their head and stinging squeeze in their chest just meant that something was physically wrong. But as they told this to Ajay - their third teammate who worried about the sudden change in their behavior - she seemed to know something what they didn’t.

Back then they didn’t know what that smirk on her lips was. It lingered on her face for the rest of the match as she kept leaving the other two behind, telling Elliott to tightly stay in Bloodhound’s company. For his own safety, she had said, but they now knew what it all had been about. The two would hide inside a building while Ajay kept the watch on the roof, knowing fully well in what kind of a situation she had put Bloodhound into.

And as the two had sat there, Bloodhound came to realize it - they were not becoming sick. To be honest, they never were sick thanks to their oddly good immune system. Everything they were experiencing inside only reminded them from the times they had read those romance books, something they enjoyed reading though they had zero experience of such things, perhaps it being a guilty pleasure of theirs.

After that match they had talked a few times. They had thought that Elliott talked a lot naturally, but not everyone had seen him drunk. However, it wasn’t the same kind of usual blabbering. To be honest, some of the things he said when drunk were quite dark - things about his lost family members, his belittling words about himself, how lonely he felt. How he always seeked for company to take home at night to fill that empty, lonesome spot inside him, but how it never seemed to work.

Ah, but still he understood to brush his words off with a light laughter. To add a careless wave of his left hand at the end. Mirage couldn’t feel those kinds of emotions, right? He couldn’t be sad. He didn’t have time or room to be sad, having to take care of his sick mother while working at the bar and battling in the bloodsport at the same time. He was a busy man - too busy to take care of himself. Or so he wanted to believe.

However, they had not only fallen for Mirage.

It was Elliott who their heart belonged to.

That sweet, self-conscious man who tried his very best to hide his insecurities. The person who everyone trusted the least, someone who even called himself a liar, when in reality he was the most trustworthy and loyal one of them all. The man who would flirt to anyone so casually but still blush for ages whenever they would answer to his awkward attempts to hit on them.

And for once they didn’t even want to be drowned into their own dark memories, but instead they wished to listen to his story and swim deep into his thoughts. Have a closer look into the pitch black spots coloring his wounded soul. Even if he was drunk, even if he told them that they shouldn’t care about his pointless blabbering, they stayed silent and listened more carefully than they ever had.

Listened to him talk about his brothers. About his mother. How he missed everyone, how it hurt that the last remaining member of his family barely even remembered him. Just the thought of it had made them feel like as if they had swallowed a rock, as if someone was trying to choke them while stabbing them in the chest. If it hurt so much to hear him tell this, how much did it hurt for him to be the one experiencing it?

And Bloodhound wanted to make it better. They really did. They wanted to hold him close, wanted to tell him that everything would be alright and that he would not have to feel alone anymore. They wanted to make his nights sweeter, to give him a shoulder to cry on. Wanted to pet his soft curls, give his chapped lips a gentle kiss and let him peacefully sleep against their chest while they would make sure that nothing bad would ever happen to him again.

Well, one could always dream.

They knew they weren’t the only one suffering from sleep deprivation. They knew well how experiences like his kept the mind busy, made him roll in his bed in the darkness of late nights in the exact same way as they were doing right now. How he probably knew every little pattern and stain in his ceiling from eyeing it on every single night while desperately trying to fall asleep.

A sudden beeping noise forced Bloodhound to finally wake up from their rather gloomy thoughts. They reached for their phone as its screen lightened up on the nightstand beside their bed, but as soon as they saw the name that had appeared on the upper corner, they could feel something inside them again.

It was the same fire, making their head feel dizzy and forcing them to jump up to sit as they held their breath while opening the message. At first they tightly held the phone against their chest, counting to three to calm themselves down before finally lowering their gaze back to it while biting their lip a bit too much.


> **Elliott**

> _I can't sleep._


It was nothing too surprising for them. If something surprised them, it was the fact that he thought about messaging them about it. Just knowing this made them feel butterflies in their stomach, flying from side to another as their legs shifted in a nervous way.


> **Bloodhound**

> _Me neither._


The hunter felt how their hands suddenly felt a little sticky from sweating, how their heart was beating faster than a second ago as their cheeks burned up. If having these feelings towards someone always felt like this, why was it portrayed in such a soft way in all of the books they had read? 

It was nowhere close to how they had imagined it would be. It hurt. Made them uncomfortable. Still, at the same time, they loved it. Loved the painful squeeze inside their chest whenever he messaged them, loved how just seeing his name pop up on the screen made them hold their breath without even noticing it.


> **Elliott**

> _Hah, I knew you’d be awake!_


His answer was faster than they would have assumed it to be. They guessed that there was not many others to message this late at night, so perhaps he had been waiting for their response. Yet another thought to warm up their enamored soul a bit more.

But as they did not respond, perhaps they were not fast enough, yet another message popped up.


> **Elliott**

> _So…_

> _Uhh._


That was two already. Bloodhound only wished for him to tell what was on his mind, write what he wanted to tell them without having to hide it. They would be there for him nonetheless.


> **Elliott**

> _It okay if I'm there in 10?_


Ten as in ten minutes, right? Bloodhound felt something sink inside their chest and they were sure that their heart had missed a beat at his suggestion. Their fingers hovered above the screen as they thought what to answer - they seriously didn’t want to write anything that would be considered as foolish and make him change his mind because of it.


> **Elliott**

> _You there?_

> _You know, I don’t have to come_

> _It's pretty late already_

> _I just_

> _Well_

> _I thought you’d be awake and stuff_

> _I dunno it’s kinda lonely_

> _I mean boring_

> _Damn that autocorrect..._

> _Aaand you’re not answering_

> _Good night sorry for bothering_

> _Please ignore these when you wake up, okay?_


Elliott was way too fast at writing for his own good. Unlike him, Bloodhound always took their time to carefully pick the right words before sending them, which probably now made it seem like they were trying to come up with an excuse to tell him not to come. On top of that they weren’t exactly the best at using smartphones, so they could probably be considered as a slow writer when compared to most.


> **Bloodhound**

> _I will be waiting._


There was a small pause, but they could see from the bubble appearing in the bottom left corner when Elliott finally started to write again, making it seem like he had needed a moment to think or process something before answering.


> **Elliott**

> _Wait, really?_

> _Okay, cool! Cool._

> _Awesome._

> _See you soon!_


The phone dropped from their hands at the last message as they buried their face into their palms, inhaling deep while mentally preparing themselves for all the upcoming. They hadn’t even needed to think twice if they would accept his offer or not - the only thing they had been able to think about had been how glad they were to see him message them, how he had single-handedly turned their night into a sweet one by just remembering them like this.

And oh, how they wished to be able to become a person who could just turn his sleepless nights into sweeter ones in the same way as he did.

Though perhaps they were not ready for yet another tragedy of losing someone they loved and cherished, they were still ready to take the risk. That forbidden risk of falling in love, to enjoy that feeling of letting him closer, even if it led to them being heartbroken once again. They wanted to see if the fate the gods had chosen for them was to walk their path alone, or if it was meant to walk with him, hand by hand, two broken ones becoming one.

Perhaps they should be afraid.

Maybe they were.

But they could not help with the little fire,

as it kept growing and burning inside them,

and how they did not want to fear it anymore.

**Author's Note:**

> Old Norse dictionary:  
> \- bróðir = brother  
> \- slátra = slaughter  
> \- vinna = win  
> \- ást = love
> 
> Ah, it was a fun experience to write this! To be honest, I’m not completely sure if I should just leave it like this and let the reader decide what happens next or if I should continue their story. 
> 
> I would appreciate it very much if you left a comment! It can be your thoughts, criticism, anything. I'll gladly listen to your opinions, tips or ideas - whatever there is on your mind.
> 
> You can find me from Twitter (which I just created haha) and Tumblr with the same tag (@Unihuppias) as well! I'll probaly be posting links to my upcoming fics and possible updates.


End file.
